(02/06/2018) 6:03am
A beautiful memory
Time wasted grieving
Awakened with wisdom
Sadness overcome
Illness not done
Healing as one.
Funny how it has been so long
I apologize for not appearing strong :)
Healing coming on!
Open your eyes for it will be gone
Obsession into art
Art into collection
Undivided connection
Unlimited attention
(02/05/2018) 2:58pm
It starts as an old graphite drawing of you
It spirals, I wind up creating something new
But all of that time I spent looking at your photo
Allows me to subconsciously talk to your shadow
It helps me heal, and it helps me face it
It reminds me to know I can never replace it
And that's ok because each experience is temporary
Especially the people we hold onto most indefinitely
Years of distraction I forget your name
I've had plenty of time to dissipate the pain
Remember my words as I continue to say
Relate, elevate, rejuvenate, communicate
(12/30/2017) 3:04am
Continuous memories cycling through my head
Flashbacks to me of empty statements you said
"Because of you I could have been dead
But I have visions of you sick beside my bed"
You know I'm not even there but it's me you see
Not alone not free, not even with me
You control the pieces of me which continue to feed
Our nostalgia awakes every time that I sleep
My reality shifts and I'm back in my mind
Recreations of you eat my soul and I continue to try
Touching myself, I wake up and I cry
I thought I felt your warmth holding me each night
(04/16/2018) 4:43pm
Met you with a pretty girl in hand
But I liked it I could understand
My body vibrating
Connection unsaid, there is no debating
I moved a little closer, baby
Your body near mine
My world, melted away
as I unwind
Moving a little closer I've been
longing to be sober
When was the last time
you think saw me well?
Cause lately I do find
myself hiding in my shell
I didn't mean to find you weeping
knowing you let go is so relieving
When I see
That vulnerability
Not alone together but we are still free
What have I said to make you question that
Honesty is all of me it is no harm in fact
Look in my eyes obliviously disguised
Reciprocal attraction causes me to ask why
Do I want you to see, the empty parts of me, chaotically and promising an open mystery
When our minds
Connect
I feel intertwined
And yet
I fail to compromise
Conceptualizing time
The energy flows out of me
The rest is left behind
(03/01/2017) 7:33pm
(04/19/2018) 5:55pm
Three years strong
And I'm still not over
Not a day has gone by
Where I've been comfortably sober
Every pain aches
Since our nostalgia hasn't faded
I ask you to forgive yourself
Fuck this, I'm jaded
My abuse blames you
A suicide blamed me
When it comes down to it
We both died simultaneously
You've been longer away
Than the time we both stayed
You've been longer away
When you made me melt away
My old self I beg to you
To perceive from my way
My old self I scream for you
Don't forget what I say!
My old love I call to you
My third eye to yours
Can you hear me falling?
My blood hits the floor
Did we we wish we were dead
From the voices in our heads
I wish we had lived
Give yourself time to forgive
(12/01/2017) 3:38am
I don't know what I'm doing
But I know I'm full of love
I'm having troubles pursuing
Because I think I'm not enough
Only viewed for my body
Because the world is only lust
I re-evaluate around me
I understand that it's because
We are selfish we are scared
We are prideful we are dumb
We spend our lives attaching meaning
To falling hopelessly in love
When I think about old actions
And the pain I must have caused
I realize the role you gave me
Where i was utterly at loss
Anxiety's my future
Depression is my past
I can't forget, I worry
Just go away at last
Depression is my comfort
Anxiety my grasp
I hold these as security
I'm afraid that I'll relapse
Each night I dream so vividly
The nostalgia- oh it aches
I haven't recreated memories
as no one can ever take your place
(10/06/2017) 4:03pm
Why do they say they are here?
When the darkness arises they all disappear
Why do they say that they care?
When I open my mouth they only stare
With all the damage I've done
Who have I become?
A shadow of myself
I am so numb
Dab myself dumb
What have I become?
A shell of myself
Recognize that I'm fun
I miss the old me
Outgoing and free
Ignorant and seen
My own worst enemy
Depleted energy
Forgotten identity
Covered by an entity
That took all control of me
Lost under submission
To the drugs I am missin
I'm under remission
Will I be forgiven?
They say I'm an addict
But I swear I've adapted
To the lifestyle I'm after
Forget it I'm blasted
Is the problem me?
I am chained but I'm free
The issue is simply
To not pick up that first drink
(Written sober)
(04/17/2017) 3:11pm
Can I find my purpose
Can I find my home
How can I find anything
When I am all alone
How do I find calmness
Or peace within my mind
How can I find anything
When I am hurting all the time
How do I seek balance
Equilibrium within myself
How do I reach my peak
When I left it on the shelf
How do I forget
The memories we had
How do I replace you with
Someone who isn't bad