(05/03/18) time unknown
My mind where has it gone?
Lately I’ve been out of the zone
only hitting the bong
as i melt into the unknown
Feel me as I look at you
do you see my pain
My perception so skewed
with tears blending in the rain
Tired and alone
together not lonely
I fear you’re not home
so subconsciously worried
Meditate and numb
the pressure goes away
Twiddling your thumb
the fucking sweet escape
Blissfully appeased
Curiously at ease
Preciously released
Tastefully diseased
(04/16/18) time unknown
Remember?
When I would pick you flowers?
I waited hours and hours
For you to come home to me
I long for you
I beg
I reach for you inside my head
Initiate the better mind before bed
And ignore hallucinations instead
I wrap my mind
Around the sights inside
Easily recognized
The face I have disguised
Love is nauseating
Constantly contemplating
Where am I taking
The perfection I'm making
Out to be, I'm faking
All the rules creating
No more hesitating
Open up you're fading
Why the skies so bright and light I realize the pain inside the compromise the seeing eyes the happy cries mysterious nights
(04/20/2018) 2:51pm
I am loved by no one, myself not enough
Once I lose it all they leave so abrupt
The damage is done and I cannot repair
What's left of who I am with no one to care
The pain is so empty and my mind is so numb
When the day breaks I feel like I'm no one
As night comes I am buried so deep
Into myself I am one, I am pure, obsolete ...
Being I am this sensation of talents
But no one to listen to the words of the imbalanced
We all don't know what's going on so who am I to judge
But since I'm in my own body, myself I must love
How can we possibly think to be
A collective group of love, a community
Why would anyone want someone tough yet so weak
Bury me alive, how I feel, I'm asleep
(02/06/2018) 6:03am
A beautiful memory
Time wasted grieving
Awakened with wisdom
Sadness overcome
Illness not done
Healing as one.
Funny how it has been so long
I apologize for not appearing strong :)
Healing coming on!
Open your eyes for it will be gone
Obsession into art
Art into collection
Undivided connection
Unlimited attention
(02/05/2018) 2:58pm
It starts as an old graphite drawing of you
It spirals, I wind up creating something new
But all of that time I spent looking at your photo
Allows me to subconsciously talk to your shadow
It helps me heal, and it helps me face it
It reminds me to know I can never replace it
And that's ok because each experience is temporary
Especially the people we hold onto most indefinitely
Years of distraction I forget your name
I've had plenty of time to dissipate the pain
Remember my words as I continue to say
Relate, elevate, rejuvenate, communicate
(03/01/2017) 7:33pm
(04/19/2018) 5:55pm
Three years strong
And I'm still not over
Not a day has gone by
Where I've been comfortably sober
Every pain aches
Since our nostalgia hasn't faded
I ask you to forgive yourself
Fuck this, I'm jaded
My abuse blames you
A suicide blamed me
When it comes down to it
We both died simultaneously
You've been longer away
Than the time we both stayed
You've been longer away
When you made me melt away
My old self I beg to you
To perceive from my way
My old self I scream for you
Don't forget what I say!
My old love I call to you
My third eye to yours
Can you hear me falling?
My blood hits the floor
Did we we wish we were dead
From the voices in our heads
I wish we had lived
Give yourself time to forgive