sober thots (October 6, 2017)

(10/06/2017) 4:03pm

Why do they say they are here?

When the darkness arises they all disappear

Why do they say that they care?

When I open my mouth they only stare

With all the damage I've done

Who have I become?

A shadow of myself

I am so numb

Dab myself dumb

What have I become?

A shell of myself 

Recognize that I'm fun

I miss the old me

Outgoing and free

Ignorant and seen

My own worst enemy

Depleted energy

Forgotten identity

Covered by an entity

That took all control of me

Lost under submission

To the drugs I am missin

I'm under remission

Will I be forgiven?

They say I'm an addict

But I swear I've adapted

To the lifestyle I'm after

Forget it I'm blasted

Is the problem me? 

I am chained but I'm free

The issue is simply 

To not pick up that first drink

(Written sober)

haunted memories (April 19, 2017)

(4/19/2017) 3:48am

Help me get out of this daze

For years I'm reliant and turn to the blaze

Cognition is fading

The thoughts of me waiting 

I'm out of my mind

Let the visions unwind

As I heal as I gain

As I suffer through pain 

Let me shout 

Let me sing 

Let me do my own thing

While I sit here mediating over memories retained

As I fear

And I must

For we lost all our trust

Recollect the mistakes

from the past that we made

We were young and behaved

You restrained me to cave 

curiously 

I pondered you

Mysteriously 

you haunt me too

Obsessing over 

Not being sober

The imaginary nostalgia

Repeats in my amygdala

Screaming out to ya