vision

you're imaginary (March 25, 2017)

03/25/17 11:57pm

All theses years I've pretended you're still mine

My memory corrupt I can't shake you from my mind

Lost blood and sleep and losing track of time 

If you don't know me now you'll be too far behind

 

I hold you in my grasp without even contacting 

Can you imagine it again but this time we're both wanting 

To learn and to grow and to let each be free

The impossibility of your vacancy and how it still has a hold on me

 

Three years gone by and I've avoided close bonding

Due to the ounce of hope I have since I'm longing

To reach out to you once stable untethered, degaussed 

But when I met face to face my foundation gets lost 

 

How can our time spent together 

Mean anything as you remain untethered

To the feelings we shared

By avoiding to remember 

 

I don't understand how you can treat me like a stranger

When you put your life in my hands and in fatalistic danger

You lost yourself in me 

I lose myself in you currently 

 

It's been too long and I have to forget

All of our memories just like you did

Why do I fucking hold on

To someone who won't treat me like a friend

sober thots (October 6, 2017)

(10/06/2017) 4:03pm

Why do they say they are here?

When the darkness arises they all disappear

Why do they say that they care?

When I open my mouth they only stare

 

With all the damage I've done

Who have I become?

A shadow of myself

I am so numb

 

Dab myself dumb

What have I become?

A shell of myself 

Recognize that I'm fun

 

I miss the old me

Outgoing and free

Ignorant and seen

My own worst enemy

 

Depleted energy

Forgotten identity

Covered by an entity

That took all control of me

 

Lost under submission

To the drugs I am missin

I'm under remission

Will I be forgiven?

 

They say I'm an addict

But I swear I've adapted

To the lifestyle I'm after

Forget it I'm blasted

 

Is the problem me? 

I am chained but I'm free

The issue is simply 

To not pick up that first drink

(Written sober)