duality

goodbye old self (March 1, 2017) Edited April 19. 2018

(03/01/2017)  7:33pm

(04/19/2018) 5:55pm

 

Three years strong 

And I'm still not over

Not a day has gone by

Where I've been comfortably sober

 

Every pain aches

Since our nostalgia hasn't faded

I ask you to forgive yourself

Fuck this, I'm jaded

 

My abuse blames you

A suicide blamed me

When it comes down to it

We both died simultaneously 

 

You've been longer away

Than the time we both stayed 

You've been longer away

When you made me melt away

 

My old self I beg to you

To perceive from my way

My old self I scream for you 

Don't forget what I say!

 

My old love I call to you

My third eye to yours

Can you hear me falling?

My blood hits the floor

 

Did we we wish we were dead

From the voices in our heads

I wish we had lived

Give yourself time to forgive 

self-aware, self-destruction (April 11, 2018)

(04/11/2018) unknown time

Where am I without my booze?

They say I have the choice to choose 

But what have I got to lose?

I have nothing without those blues

 

The nostalgic bar awaits my dollar

Guzzling sounds of warmth drip down my collar

 

They whisper internally don't you ever stop

They ask externally why don't you ever stop?

 

The drinking boys and girls always know me by name

They feel that I crave lonesome escape from the pain

I love you, a fucked up naiive blacked out stain

Your shadow lays here, so come with us to play

 

Please keep my seat warm from yesterday

Stumble your sexy self on over here and stay

I'll drown my sorrows in the breath of dismay

Why doesn't anyone ever listen to the words that I say?

 

Don't be sad honey 

Do not be afraid 

Don't be the disappointing daughter that you hate 

 

Drown, forget, disassociate 

Codependency tendencies infinitely curate

 

The mind is a game of false perception 

A post traumatic stressor collection

 

Sensitive, willing and eased

Describing the woman that could be me

Dark, divided and diseased 

I have to let me go in order to be free

 

I need to let it go that way I'll be free

The ego awaits at the bar in the sea

Erasing inhibitions of disastrous tendency 

Belated and hated, barbaric blasphemy 

 

Take the lens off in order to see

My ego isn't shedding so effortlessly 

Why can't my hands let go of the feed

Destroying the foundation that grows the seed

 

Pick me up, let me down and strip me 

Remove all my worth because with it, I'm a tease

The beauty beckons and reckons it believes 

Every voice in my head that just tells me to BE

 

Fucking let me go in order to be free

I have to let me go in order to be me

I have to let the e-go

Destroy itself to see 

 

That I am nothing without 

My own lock and key

No will-power to give out

When I can't balance me

 

Beautiful history

Chaotic mystery 

Remarkable discovery 

Creative uncovering