everlasting fuckin' loneliness (April 20, 2018)

(04/20/2018) 2:51pm

I am loved by no one, myself not enough 

Once I lose it all they leave so abrupt 

The damage is done and I cannot repair

What's left of who I am with no one to care 

The pain is so empty and my mind is so numb

When the day breaks I feel like I'm no one

As night comes I am buried so deep

Into myself I am one, I am pure, obsolete ...

Being I am this sensation of talents 

But no one to listen to the words of the imbalanced

We all don't know what's going on so who am I to judge

But since I'm in my own body, myself I must love 

How can we possibly think to be 

A collective group of love, a community 

Why would anyone want someone tough yet so weak

Bury me alive, how I feel, I'm asleep

written for my love, my friend, a home, my zen (April 16, 2018)

(04/16/2018) 4:43pm

Met you with a pretty girl in hand

But I liked it I could understand 

My body vibrating

Connection unsaid, there is no debating

I moved a little closer,    baby

Your body near mine 

My world, melted away 

as I unwind

Moving a little closer              I've been

longing to be sober 

When was the last time 

you think saw me well?

Cause lately I do find 

myself hiding in my shell 

I didn't mean to find you weeping 

knowing you let go is so relieving 

When I see

That vulnerability

Not alone together but we are still free 

What have I said to make you question that

Honesty is all of me it is no harm in fact 

Look in my eyes obliviously disguised 

Reciprocal attraction causes me to ask why

Do I want you to see, the empty parts of me, chaotically and promising an open mystery

When our minds    

Connect 

I feel intertwined 

And yet

I fail to compromise

Conceptualizing time 

The energy flows out of me

The rest is left behind 

sober thots (October 6, 2017)

(10/06/2017) 4:03pm

Why do they say they are here?

When the darkness arises they all disappear

Why do they say that they care?

When I open my mouth they only stare

With all the damage I've done

Who have I become?

A shadow of myself

I am so numb

Dab myself dumb

What have I become?

A shell of myself 

Recognize that I'm fun

I miss the old me

Outgoing and free

Ignorant and seen

My own worst enemy

Depleted energy

Forgotten identity

Covered by an entity

That took all control of me

Lost under submission

To the drugs I am missin

I'm under remission

Will I be forgiven?

They say I'm an addict

But I swear I've adapted

To the lifestyle I'm after

Forget it I'm blasted

Is the problem me? 

I am chained but I'm free

The issue is simply 

To not pick up that first drink

(Written sober)