truth

acceptance (April 12, 2018)

(04/12/2018) unknown time

I think I'm trying my best

Believe me from my being

I feel nothing like the rest 

No home I found sets me free

 

The beauty of the mystery

The monstrous activity

Confusing identity

Losing creativity 

 

I don't know what I'm doing

I don't know where I belong

I don't know the words inside my mind

That are shouting all night long

 

My brain numbs itself into a trance

I find an easier way to dance

I shake my legs and kick up my heels

I do what it takes to make my meals

 

Judgment and ridicule permeate 

The fact of the matter is this is no debate 

You can disregard or you can hate

Support is what we need since we all relate 

 

Not one person is the same

But our minds are capable to think alike

So once you see others perceptions

Finally allows empathy to take flight

 

Shedding pride you brainwash from the past

I told you these ideals wouldn't last

 

Manipulated minded blaming your own

Once you realize you're unable to control

 

Losing all grip becoming out of touch

Forgotten memories eventually get flushed

self-aware, self-destruction (April 11, 2018)

(04/11/2018) unknown time

Where am I without my booze?

They say I have the choice to choose 

But what have I got to lose?

I have nothing without those blues

 

The nostalgic bar awaits my dollar

Guzzling sounds of warmth drip down my collar

 

They whisper internally don't you ever stop

They ask externally why don't you ever stop?

 

The drinking boys and girls always know me by name

They feel that I crave lonesome escape from the pain

I love you, a fucked up naiive blacked out stain

Your shadow lays here, so come with us to play

 

Please keep my seat warm from yesterday

Stumble your sexy self on over here and stay

I'll drown my sorrows in the breath of dismay

Why doesn't anyone ever listen to the words that I say?

 

Don't be sad honey 

Do not be afraid 

Don't be the disappointing daughter that you hate 

 

Drown, forget, disassociate 

Codependency tendencies infinitely curate

 

The mind is a game of false perception 

A post traumatic stressor collection

 

Sensitive, willing and eased

Describing the woman that could be me

Dark, divided and diseased 

I have to let me go in order to be free

 

I need to let it go that way I'll be free

The ego awaits at the bar in the sea

Erasing inhibitions of disastrous tendency 

Belated and hated, barbaric blasphemy 

 

Take the lens off in order to see

My ego isn't shedding so effortlessly 

Why can't my hands let go of the feed

Destroying the foundation that grows the seed

 

Pick me up, let me down and strip me 

Remove all my worth because with it, I'm a tease

The beauty beckons and reckons it believes 

Every voice in my head that just tells me to BE

 

Fucking let me go in order to be free

I have to let me go in order to be me

I have to let the e-go

Destroy itself to see 

 

That I am nothing without 

My own lock and key

No will-power to give out

When I can't balance me

 

Beautiful history

Chaotic mystery 

Remarkable discovery 

Creative uncovering